I accidentally burped into my bong.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
