I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
