Screwed.edu
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
