I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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