So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
