Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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