my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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