So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
