He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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