i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
a search helicopter?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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