its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
