Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My hand turned me down
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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