:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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