remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
