im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
