so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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