so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He has the fingertips of a God
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