the condom got lost in my hair
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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