I think my fart just growled at me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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