Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
