Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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