I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
