Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
