He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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