I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
