Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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