thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
