Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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