Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
