When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
