i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
