I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
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