You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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