just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
