I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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