I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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