areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
