don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
