Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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