he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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