youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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