sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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