I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
