I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize