You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
