Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Success! We fucked roommates!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
