Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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