Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
