I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
