My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
