I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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