an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
