he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
