Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
