Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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