The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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