It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
