**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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