he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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