peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
