should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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