I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
