if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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