Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
