He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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