it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
