cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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