Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
