A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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