My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
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Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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