i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
