Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
