So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
