I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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