don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
