My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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